CPTSD – If God Why?

Complex Trauma (CPTSD)

This page is devoted to exploring Complex Trauma, also known as C-PTSD – a condition that affects many partners in NeuroDivergent relationships.

Tim Fletcher, a mental health professional and clergyman in Canada, has created an exceptional series of videos describing the origin, presentation, and effects of Complex-PTSD. Unlike PTSD, which often is caused by singular traumatic episodes, CPTSD takes place over time and may be caused by unmet needs such as a lack of secure emotional attachment and bonding or emotional neglect. CPTSD may have roots in childhood wounds and deprivations, and some who have CPTSD from childhood may end up as adults with partners who exacerbate those wounds and coping patterns.

Both parties in a NeuroDivergent relationship may be affected by CPTSD from childhood roots. The NT Partner may have experienced CPTSD both as a child from their family of origin and also as an adult from emotional neglect from their ND partner.

Understanding (Complex) Trauma Video Series

Entire Video Series Playlist (YouTube) https://bit.ly/tfComplexTraumaPlaylist

Understanding (Complex) Trauma – Part 1 Overview

Notes https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma1

Video https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma1vid

Summary: The speaker discusses the concept of trauma, particularly in the context of education and society. They highlight that while the term is becoming more recognized, understanding of it remains limited. The speaker plans to share their 15 years of research and experience in the trauma field to help listeners understand trauma and its effects. They note that around 75% of people in Canada are believed to have complex trauma. The speaker distinguishes between “big T” trauma, which refers to severe, often one-time events, and “little T” trauma, which refers to ongoing, less severe events or neglect. They emphasize that little T trauma, often resulting from unmet emotional needs, can be just as damaging, if not more so, than big T trauma. The speaker also discusses how trauma can affect various aspects of a person’s life, including their brain development, self-identity, emotions, nervous system, immune system, mental health, relationships, and coping mechanisms. They conclude by identifying potential sources of trauma, including bullying, community violence, natural disasters, domestic violence, medical trauma, and neglect within families.

Understanding Trauma – Part 2 Results of Shame

Notes https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma2

Video https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma2vid

Summary: Tim Fletcher delves into the profound impact of trauma, particularly focusing on the concept of shame and its far-reaching consequences on identity and adult life. He begins by distinguishing between the physical symptoms of trauma, such as emotional dysregulation and hypervigilance, and the deeper, more insidious impact of shame on one’s identity. Fletcher explains that shame is often misunderstood and conflated with guilt, clarifying that while guilt pertains to actions, shame is a core belief about one’s worth and identity.

He discusses how children form their identities based on their interactions with significant figures in their lives, particularly parents. Negative experiences, such as neglect, abuse, or even subtle dismissals, can lead to a distorted self-image rooted in shame. Fletcher uses the metaphor of a distorted mirror to illustrate how children internalize these negative messages, leading to a lifelong struggle with self-worth.

The session also covers various manifestations of shame in adult behavior, including addiction, social isolation, excessive people-pleasing, and difficulty setting boundaries. Fletcher emphasizes that shame can drive individuals to either overcompensate through perfectionism and rigid behavior or to avoid responsibilities and relationships altogether.

He concludes by highlighting the pervasive negative emotions associated with shame, such as fear, anxiety, depression, and anger, and how these emotions can severely impact one’s quality of life and relationships.

Understanding Trauma – Part 3 Results of Shame

Notes https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma3

Video https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma3vid

Summary: Tim Fletcher delves into the profound impact of trauma on identity, emphasizing that the most significant negative outcome of trauma is the development of shame. Fletcher argues that while physical effects of trauma are often addressed, the internalized shame and its ramifications on self-identity are less understood and discussed. He outlines how shame distorts a person’s self-perception, leading to a belief that they are inherently unlovable and valueless. This belief drives individuals to hide their true selves and adopt various personas or roles to gain acceptance and meet their needs. Fletcher identifies 25 characteristics stemming from shame, including harsh self-judgment, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and codependency. He explains that these behaviors are survival mechanisms developed in response to trauma. The talk also covers the healing process, which involves self-awareness, replacing shame-induced lies with truth, accepting inherent value, and developing self-compassion. Fletcher emphasizes the importance of healthy connections and boundaries with unhealthy influences in the journey to overcome shame.

Understanding Trauma 4 – The Brain – Limbic (emotion-now) and Coretex (think things through – long term consequences)

Video https://www.youtube.com/live/QNKnQqs3Mo4

Summary: Tim Fletcher delves into the profound impact of trauma on the brain, emphasizing how trauma can significantly alter brain development and function. He explains that trauma, whether from neglect or abuse, can hinder the proper development of the brain, particularly affecting the limbic system and the cortex. Fletcher highlights the brain’s three main parts: the brain stem, the limbic brain, and the cortex, and how trauma can cause individuals to remain stuck in their limbic brain, leading to issues like instant gratification, poor decision-making, and emotional reasoning. He also discusses how trauma affects brain chemicals, leading to a lack of positive emotions and an overproduction of stress-related chemicals like cortisol, which can cause long-term damage to the brain and body. Additionally, Fletcher explores the concept of dissociation, where individuals retreat into an internal world to escape reality, and how this can lead to addiction and other coping mechanisms. He concludes by discussing the challenges of rewiring the brain through neuroplasticity, emphasizing that while it is possible, it requires significant time and effort.

Understanding Trauma 5 – How Trauma Affects Nervous System

Video https://www.youtube.com/live/q4IvDCAuQWU

Summary: Tim Fletcher delves into the profound impact of trauma on the nervous system, emphasizing the critical balance between the sympathetic (action-oriented) and parasympathetic (restorative) nervous systems. He explains how trauma disrupts this balance, leading to chronic stress and burnout. Fletcher highlights the physiological responses of both systems and the long-term consequences of an overactive sympathetic nervous system, such as anxiety, depression, and health issues. He shares personal anecdotes to illustrate how even non-abusive environments can create complex trauma through imbalanced lifestyles. Fletcher offers practical advice for retraining the nervous system to achieve a healthier balance, stressing the importance of self-awareness, deep breathing, and establishing routines. He concludes by underscoring the role of social connections in maintaining a healthy parasympathetic nervous system, which can significantly reduce stress-related diseases and improve overall well-being.

Understanding Trauma 6 – Adaptations and Soul Murder

Notes: https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma6

Video: https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma6vid

Summary: Tim Fletcher delves into the profound impact of complex trauma and complex PTSD on children, emphasizing two unresolved issues: unmet needs and unresolved pain. These unresolved issues lead children to feel isolated, unsafe, and at fault, resulting in ongoing trauma. To cope, children adapt by changing themselves, often at the cost of their own authenticity and emotional well-being. Fletcher explains that these adaptations, while initially survival mechanisms, become maladaptive in adulthood, leading to issues such as burnout, difficulty in forming healthy relationships, and a loss of self-identity. He outlines the tragic necessity for children to “murder” parts of their soul, including their alarm systems, authenticity, trust, and hope, to survive in a traumatic environment. The talk concludes with a focus on the slow, gradual process of healing, which involves becoming human again, learning to trust, connect, and manage emotions, and taking responsibility for one’s life.

Understanding Trauma 7 – Anger

Video https://www.youtube.com/live/gZ8y_wEmW00

Summary: Tim Fletcher goes into the profound impact of complex trauma on individuals, particularly focusing on how it generates deep-seated anger. He explains that trauma often leads to suppressed anger, which many are unaware of, and this can manifest in various harmful ways. Fletcher emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing this anger, as it can be directed both outwardly and inwardly, causing significant personal and relational damage. He discusses the concept of healthy anger, which serves as a signal to correct violations of love, such as dishonesty and disrespect. However, in those with complex trauma, anger often becomes a destructive force. Fletcher outlines different anger expression styles, including stuffing it down, turning it inward, passive-aggressive behavior, and explosive outbursts. He also highlights the learned, unhealthy uses of anger for control, avoidance of other emotions, and setting boundaries. The talk concludes with practical tools for managing anger, such as grounding techniques, mindfulness, and understanding personal anger patterns, emphasizing that dealing with anger is a challenging but essential process for healing.

Understanding Trauma 8 -Trauma Responses

Video https://www.youtube.com/live/a2Vuqy1Vb9Y

Summary: Tim Fletcher delves into the complexities of trauma responses, focusing on the well-known “four Fs”: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. He explains how these responses manifest in individuals facing danger and how they evolve in the context of complex trauma. Fletcher discusses the nuances and variations of each response, including how they can blend into 14 different hybrids, such as the “charming bully” or the “super nurse.” He emphasizes that while these responses start as healthy mechanisms, complex trauma can turn them into unhealthy patterns that hinder true connection and safety. Fletcher also explores how these trauma responses can lead to various mental health diagnoses and affect relationship dynamics. He concludes by outlining the path to recovery, which involves shifting from unhealthy to healthy responses and regulating emotions to address problems constructively.

Understanding Trauma 9 – Fear

Video https://www.youtube.com/live/J3Lx1xQy_yM

Summary: Tim Fletcher speaks about the profound impact of complex trauma, emphasizing that fear is the predominant emotion experienced by those affected. He explains that in healthy families, fear is temporary and resolved through parental support, whereas in complex trauma, fear remains unresolved due to neglect or abuse. This unresolved fear accumulates, leading to a constant state of anxiety and various anxiety disorders such as PTSD, GAD, OCD, and ADHD. Fletcher highlights that fear, though a natural response meant to drive connection and protection, becomes a pervasive and controlling force in the lives of those with complex trauma. He outlines numerous fears stemming from complex trauma, including fear of failure, success, abandonment, and many others, illustrating how these fears manifest and affect behavior. Fletcher also discusses the importance of recognizing and managing anxiety through mindfulness, grounding techniques, and understanding one’s triggers. He emphasizes the need for self-compassion and gradual healing, acknowledging that overcoming deeply ingrained anxiety is a long-term process.

Understanding Trauma 10 – Healing

Video https://www.youtube.com/live/a6xZsyEUICg

Summary: Tim Fletcher’s talk focuses on the journey of healing from trauma, emphasizing that it is a complex, non-linear process distinct from the medical model of healing. He outlines three phases of trauma recovery: establishing safety, reprocessing traumatic memories, and moving on with life. Fletcher highlights the importance of a safe environment, a supportive network, and the need for self-awareness and education about subconscious programming. He discusses the necessity of both top-down and bottom-up approaches to emotional regulation and the importance of self-compassion. Fletcher also addresses common misconceptions about recovery, emphasizing that it is a long, often challenging journey requiring patience and resilience. He concludes by discussing various therapeutic modalities, including cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR, and the cautious use of psychedelics, stressing the need for experienced guidance and addressing deep core issues.

Understanding Trauma 11 – Polyvagal Theory (Stephen Porges)

Video https://www.youtube.com/live/9X6y8rCDTxc

Summary: Tim Fletcher delves into the polyvagal theory, a concept developed by Dr. Steven Porges, which has gained popularity over the past decade. The theory provides a deeper understanding of how the central nervous system operates, particularly focusing on the vagus nerve, the largest nerve in the body, which plays a crucial role in sensing danger and regulating the body’s response. Fletcher explains the three states of the vagus nerve: the ventral vagal state (social engagement), the sympathetic state (fight or flight), and the dorsal state (freeze). He emphasizes the importance of the social engagement state for health and healing, noting that individuals with complex trauma often remain in survival states, leading to health and mental issues. Fletcher outlines methods to retrain the vagus nerve, including safe connections, mindfulness, self-compassion, and various somatic therapies. He concludes by highlighting the necessity of both top-down and bottom-up approaches for effective healing and retraining of the vagus system.

Understanding Trauma 12- Boundaries

Video https://www.youtube.com/live/cUGYVkLlKf4

Summary: Tim Fletcher goes into the critical role of boundaries in trauma recovery. He emphasizes that without healthy boundaries, individuals can only progress so far in their healing journey. Fletcher explains that boundaries are essential for maintaining safety and health in all areas of life, including physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. He distinguishes between internal boundaries, which govern personal behaviors and habits, and external boundaries, which manage interactions with others. Fletcher highlights the challenges of enforcing boundaries, particularly for those with complex trauma, due to deep-seated issues like shame, fear of abandonment, and codependency. He also discusses the impact of the limbic brain on boundary enforcement and provides strategies for setting and maintaining boundaries, such as preparing responses in advance, starting with small steps, and seeking accountability. Ultimately, Fletcher underscores the importance of addressing underlying trauma issues to successfully implement and uphold healthy boundaries.

Understanding Trauma 13 – Betrayal Trauma

Video https://www.youtube.com/live/TcZu-x0RVTo

Understanding Trauma 14 – Neglect Trauma Pt 1

Notes: https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma14

Video: https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma14vid

Summary: Tim Fletcher focuses on the concept of neglect trauma, also known as little t trauma, which occurs when essential emotional needs are not met during childhood. Unlike Big T trauma, which involves significant negative events, neglect trauma is characterized by the absence of positive experiences and emotional support. Fletcher explains that neglect trauma can have severe and long-lasting effects, comparable to Big T trauma, impacting emotional health, self-perception, and relationships. He outlines the importance of secure attachment in childhood and the detrimental effects of insecure attachment. Fletcher also discusses the characteristics of adults who experienced emotional neglect, such as feelings of emptiness, counterdependence, unrealistic self-appraisal, lack of self-compassion, guilt, shame, anger, difficulty nurturing oneself and others, poor self-discipline, and alexithymia. He emphasizes the need for acknowledgment, self-compassion, and learning new emotional skills to heal from neglect trauma. Fletcher concludes by highlighting the generational impact of emotional neglect and the importance of seeking support and resources for recovery.

Understanding Trauma 15 – Neglect Trauma Pt 2

Notes: https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma15

Video: https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma15vid

Summary: Tim Fletcher discusses the complexities of emotional neglect in parenting. He explains the difference between Big T trauma and little T trauma, emphasizing the latter’s subtle yet significant impact. Drawing from Janice Weber’s “Running on Empty,” Fletcher identifies 16 types of parenting that can lead to emotional neglect, including narcissistic, authoritarian, permissive, bereaved, addicted, depressed, workaholic, and sociopathic parents, among others. He highlights how these parenting styles, often stemming from the parents’ own unresolved issues, result in children feeling neglected and emotionally unsupported. Fletcher stresses the importance of parents addressing their own traumas and learning to connect with their children to prevent perpetuating the cycle of neglect. The session aims to provide insights and encourage self-improvement for better parenting.

Understanding Trauma 19 Captivity Trauma

Video – https://www.youtube.com/live/ExhMaDJuRWM

Understanding Trauma 20 – Signs of Healing

Notes – https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma20

Video – https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma20vid

Summary: Tim Fletcher identifies signs of healing in individuals dealing with complex trauma. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing positive changes, even when they are not immediately visible. Fletcher outlines 12 key indicators of healing, starting with improvements in physiological symptoms and the ability to manage traumatic memories. He highlights the significance of self-compassion, setting boundaries, and breaking codependency patterns. Fletcher also discusses the importance of connecting with oneself and others, developing self-awareness, and living from the cortex rather than the limbic brain. He concludes by noting that healing is a non-linear process, interconnected across various aspects of life, and encourages listeners to find hope and recognize their growth.